As a child I learned to stuff my feelings, despite being naturally emotionally sensitive. It felt safer not to expose that vulnerable part of me to others. Like many, I thought that vulnerability equates with weakness.
What I didn’t realize was that vulnerable part was also one of the most beautiful pieces of me. The piece that has depth, richness, complexity. The piece that is colorful, free and passionate. The piece that allows me to express my uniqueness. I’d hid it so well from others, I lost touch with it myself. I didn’t even know that I’d imprisoned a piece of myself. Without this piece I felt flat, cold, rehearsed and inauthentic.
That missing piece was my inner child.
Without her, I kept looking for that right person, that perfect relationship, to fill what was missing inside. I thought I’d find it in my “other half.” While there’s nothing wrong with being in a loving partnership, it will never complete you. Nor will your job. Nor will expensive things. Nothing outside of you will ever make you feel whole. The truth is that I was always whole, not half. I just needed to reclaim my missing pieces. I had unwittingly abandoned my inner child.
The inner child is our emotional self.
That doesn’t mean that having emotions is childish. Emotional expression is not immature. Quite the contrary. Healthy emotional expression is necessary to grow into our highest potential as a human being. Without our inner child, we are stifled and imbalanced. It is more mature to learn how to nurture and support our emotional self than to run away from our emotions through constantly keeping busy or hiding out in the intellect.
Like me, most people have unintentionally abandoned their inner child. This is why emotions can feel so overwhelming. Just think of a scared child that has to scream or act out to get your attention. The inner child has to resort to theatrics, otherwise we easily ignore him or her. However, it’s not sustainable to keep suppressing our emotions. Suppressing them is like creating an internal pressure cooker. Eventually that pressure will be released either in an emotional blowup, negative behaviors or through physical symptoms in the body.
Instead, why not start now to develop a new relationship with the inner child? When we think of our emotions as our inner child, we naturally know how to respond to our feelings. We don’t demonize or shame a child for being afraid. Nor do we avoid a scared child. Nor do we let the child run the household.
Having a healthy relationship with the inner child helps us to be open to life and unafraid of our emotions. Our emotions enable us to empathize with others and connect genuinely on an intimate level. Emotions can give us a deep sense of aliveness and the greatest fulfillment imaginable. Your inner child has so much to offer you.
What I learned was that nurturing my inner child didn’t weaken me, it stabilized me. Through showing up for her and creating inner support, I discovered true contentment. I could be vulnerable and strong because I no longer looked outside of myself for fulfillment or needed approval from others. Being comfortable in my own skin is true freedom.
You can learn more about how to nurture the inner child by watching my video “Emotional First Aid: Practices for Inner Wellbeing.” . I also do Inner Child work with clients in hypnosis sessions. To get started on your own, I recommend reading “Recovery of Your Inner Child” by Lucia Capacchione. There’s also a section on Inner Child healing in my book, “Awakening Transformation: A Beginner’s Guide to Becoming Your Higher Self.”
