I took this photo a few years ago from atop Diamond Head Crater near my mom’s house.
My mom lies unconscious in a Hospice bed in her living room. Her dear friend Steve, my aunt, my brother and I sit around the bed, taking turns with her around-the-clock care. Alternately we play Japanese songs from her childhood, talk to her as we administer medicine, apply a damp cloth or carefully turn her body to prevent sores.
This is her death vigil. 🪷
Once upon a time this scene was commonplace. People passed away in the comfort of their own homes, surrounded by loved ones. Sadly, at least here in the US, more people die in cold, sterile hospitals than at home.
While I sit here anticipating the inevitable, time seems both short and excruciatingly slow. No one knows death’s timeline. So we wait.
To pass the time I’m reading, “Death Is But a Dream” by Dr. Christopher Kerr, a Hospice doctor.
Dr. Kerr states, “The tragedy of human existence is not the fact of death or suffering or the inability to defeat them. It is the inability to rethink dying as anything other than the ‘dimming of the light.’
It has become easier to live longer but harder to die well. We have lost our way with dying and with death. Most Americans want to die at home in the care of loved ones, yet many die in institutions, often alone or in the care of strangers.
The death people wish for often becomes the one they fear, a sanitized and undignified one. Amid the current madness of medical excess, there is a need for spiritual renewal that medicine alone cannot address. By exploring the nonphysical experience of dying, there is an opportunity to reframe and humanize dying from an irredeemably grim reality to an experience that can contain richness of meaning for patients and loved ones alike.”
As her end of life closed in, my mom began seeing angels. They first appeared in her dreams and then later she saw them with her eyes open.
Each time the angels appeared, she was walking on a pathway through a beautiful field. 🌿 There were 3 angels - two females and a male. As my mom arrived at the end of the path, she kept waiting for the male angel to take her golden token.
“I’m ready!” she exclaimed. Yet it wasn’t time.
Over the course of her final days, this scenario repeated. My mom was puzzled, “What more must I do to cross over?”
Despite her frustration, it gave us great peace that she felt ready to move on and that the angels were supporting her transition.
✨Facing death doesn’t need to be fearful.
I’m incredibly touched and honored to have witnessed my mom’s final breath. It’s fitting that our moms usher us into this world and hopefully we have the opportunity to usher them to their next station.
I thank Hospice for humanizing death and allowing my mom a gentle passage with grace and dignity from the comfort of her own home. 🕊️ Each member of the Hospice team (triage, doctor, nurses, social worker) showed up with great empathy and respect for a dying woman in her most vulnerable time.
May we all be supported in such a beautiful way through the death portal to the Great Beyond. 🌈
One of death’s greatest gifts is perspective- the reminder of what truly matters. If I’m slow to respond to your message or inquiry, I thank you in advance for understanding. 🙏💙